Applications of the Principles of Charity

Volume Two—Chapter Eight APPLICATIONS OF THE PRINCIPLES OF CHARITY

For several of the concepts in this chapter, I am indebted to Dr. C. Terry Warner and his outstanding book, Bonds That Make Us Free. Dr. Warner wrote his book for a general audience and not particularly for an LDS one, and he does not even mention the concept of charity. As I studied it, however, I concluded that he was describing what may happen to the individual who betrays his spiritual inner self by breaking the Lord’s commandment to be charitable to others. His book is thus pertinent to our ongoing discussion of the concept of charity.

#Consequences of Uncharitable Behavior

It is important to understand the consequences of transgressing the Lord’s command to forget oneself and show charity to others. Each time one breaks the law of charity, a recognizable pattern of behavior ensues. Since each of us has been guilty of uncharitable acts from time to time, you will likely see something of yourself in this pattern.

#The Sequence or Cascade of Sin

Keep in mind that when we seek for self-esteem in the “natural (rather than spiritual) way,” we sometimes commit sin. When we are guilty of any uncharitable thought, word, or act, we commit sin. Whenever we sin, we betray our spiritual self. This betrayal does not go unnoticed. I cannot over-emphasize the importance of this betrayal. When we sin, figurative alarms go off and red lights flash deep within our spiritual vulnerable center. It is plunged into an emergency, defensive mode. Our spiritual self is prone to guilt and the fear of never returning to its celestial home. Any sin is a real threat and must be dealt with. It is notable that it is the natural self that most always deals with immediate threats to our self-esteem, even those to our spiritual self-esteem. It is as though the natural self says to the spiritual self, “I can see you’re in serious trouble. Step aside. Let me deal with this.”1

The way in which your natural self deals with sin inevitably produces a counterproductive sequence or cascade of events something like this:

Sin (examples: envy, neglect of others, cruelty, selfishness) Negative Effect on Spiritual Self-Esteem Fear of Failure to Reach Celestial Home Natural Self to the Rescue Two Different Strategies May Be Utilized

Attempts to Hide Sin Urgent Need to Justify Self

Assumption of Desperate Need to Blame Others False Identity

#Strategies for Defense

Assumption of false identity. The individual has committed sin. Every sin is a type of self-betrayal. He has spoken or acted in a way that reveals a sinful flaw. For example, he may have acted in a selfish or dishonest manner. One strategy for dealing with this “personal emergency” is to attempt to hide the sinful characteristic. This may be done by assuming a false identity. It is most interesting that the assumed identity is most often the direct opposite of the sinful predisposition the sinner fears he possesses. He tries to appear to be who he fears he is not. This false identity is important to the sinner. He must hide his sin, particularly from himself. He thus has desperate need to defend this new identity. These false identities are “defenses.”

Let us consider a simple example. A teenage girl is guilty of envying the beauty of others. She is jealous. She speaks and acts in an uncharitable way that manifests her envy and self absorption. Hence, she commits sin. Her spiritual center senses the sin and fears she may never return to her celestial home. She is thrown into an emergency mode. She must allay the fear and anxiety that comes from her sin of envying.

One strategy to allay her fears is to become the individual she fears, deep down, she is not. She may try to hide the sin by assuming a false identity. She may assume the identity of the beauty queen. Her logic is that if she is, in fact, a beauty queen, then she has no reason to envy anyone. She hides her sin of envy from herself: “I am a beauty queen myself, and certainly have no reason to envy anyone else because of their beauty. I didn’t envy anyone. It didn’t really happen.” Her new identity is a false identity, since deep down she hardly thinks of herself as beautiful. In fact, her deepest fear is that she is not really beautiful at all. After all, this fear resulted in her sin of envy in the first place.

She becomes obsessed with her own physical appearance, her weight, her hair, her skin, her makeup, her clothes. She may succeed in being considered glamorous. She may enter beauty contests and become obsessed with winning them at all costs. In order to validate her false identity, both to herself and others, she must succeed in the beauty contests. She must win or at least make a respectable showing. It is vital that she do so. It becomes her obsession, the purpose of her being. She will stop at nothing. If she can’t validate this new identity, then she would have to admit to herself that she committed sin! This entire sequence occurs because of her sin of envy and the exquisite discomfort it caused to her inner spiritual self. Although she is living a lie, she lacks insight into what is actually happening. She is oblivious to the psychological sequence taking place. It would be most difficult for anyone to convince her of the truth.

Desperate need to blame others. Another individual has committed a sin and has thus betrayed a sinful characteristic within himself. Another strategy for dealing with this real threat to his spiritual self-esteem is to attempt to justify himself in his sin by blaming others. “It wasn’t my fault that I committed sin. It was his fault, and I’m really angry at him.” The attempt to blame others is handled by the natural self. He may employ anger, accusations, excuses, suspicion. These negative emotions may also be considered “defenses.”

Let us use the same example of the teenager who is jealous of the beauty of others. She doubts her own beauty. She is guilty of envy and self absorption. Instead of seeking to assume a false identity, she seeks to justify her sin by placing the blame on others. She may reason that others are trying to make her feel bad about herself. They do cruel things to her. She may even convince herself that the other girls are not worth envying. She may try to bring the others “down to her level.” She develops anger and hatred for them. They are just trying to hurt her. They caused her to commit sin. She becomes critical and suspicious of them. She may make fun of their attempts to groom themselves. She may find fault with their motives. She may seethe with anger against those who regard themselves as beautiful.

I will borrow another example from Dr. Warner’s book. He tells the story of a young teacher named Jennifer:

When my widowed aunt was in the hospital for major surgery I thought I ought to visit her. She needed some company, and I guess I was one of the few people who was likely to come around.

But I didn’t go. I was going to go this one night, but there was something good on TV, and I decided I’d only watch a little of it and then go. When I was watching I started thinking about how hard it would be to talk to her. I’m young and she’s old, and it was pretty obvious I wouldn’t be able to think of much to say.

Another time I was going to go, and I realized when I was thinking about it that it wasn’t really my fault that I couldn’t think of anything to say. She was just plain hard to talk to. She never spent a lot of time talking to me when I was growing up, and that’s the reason we don’t have much of a relationship. Besides, I knew she didn’t think too highly of getting a college degree, which was what I was doing.

So why should I feel guilty that I didn’t visit her? I’m just as alone as she is, with my folks in the service and all. I figured it would be best if she went her way and I went mine. I guess we don’t take to each other much (Bonds That Make Us Free, 47).

Notice how Jennifer succeeds in convincing herself that she should not visit her aunt, and the aunt is to blame!

Victimhood. Blaming others often leads to the sinner’s coming to regard himself as a victim. The individual desperately needs someone to blame. He comes to see himself as a victim of those he is seeking to blame. In a peculiar and ironic way, he becomes utterly dependent upon those who offend him. He actually becomes addicted to being a victim. It’s the way he justifies himself. If he ceases to be a victim, he may have to admit he is guilty of sin. Then his spiritual self-esteem would begin to fear. He must remain a victim. He may even reject those who would treat him charitably in order to remain a victim.

This person would be unhappy even in heaven. There he would find no one to blame. There would be no way to continue his victimhood. He is utterly and irretrievably addicted to being a victim.

Troubled human relationships. Regardless of the sinner’s strategy in dealing with his sin, there develops a problem with his relationships. Other people—instead of being precious and highly-prized individuals worthy of loving—become mere objects. The sinner uses them for his own purposes. People are therefore regarded by the sinner as:

1. Vehicles or means to help the sinner accomplish his purposes. He needs people to validate his false identity. Or, he needs people to blame and accuse.

If his inclination is to establish a false identity, he must manipulate or deceive people into accepting it. He flatters them, hoping to convince them. He feels he can “force” people to acknowledge his assumed identity if he can manage to outperform others. He thus becomes overly competitive or a bully. If he must resort to other, more subtle, means of establishing his identity, then he may become a manipulator, a sycophant, or a flatterer.

If he is inclined to blame or accuse, he is constantly trying to find fault. He must maintain a suspicious attitude towards others. He constantly seeks to hold them responsible for his sins. He is not concerned about others. Rather, he is absorbed only with himself and his issues.

2. Obstacles who stand in the way of what he wants. There is no time to be concerned about the welfare of others. He must either outperform others, make them see things his way, or discredit them.

3. Irrelevant to his own purposes. If he is unable to “make use” of people for his own purposes, then he simply doesn’t need them. He therefore becomes a snob and ignores or snubs others. They are not important to him. They are not relevant.

Uncharitable individuals—sinners—come to regard people as hostile, either out to disprove their false identity or to inflict further injury upon them. There is a saying that goes, “Adam is as Adam’s world.” This means that these sinners become citizens of the hostile world they themselves have created. In their world, they must constantly defend themselves by becoming equally hostile. They are constantly at war with others. They are absorbed in planning their strategies for battle. They are as they perceive they must be to exist in their world.

We may pause here, for a moment, and comment on the current times. It does seem that this type of hostility is increasing. Perhaps this is a divinely foreseen sign of the times. “The love of many shall wax cold” (Matthew 24:12). Our modern world seems to be more about appearance than substance. The narcissism surrounding us is not just of individuals but of our culture as a whole.

#The Problems in Communicating With the Vulnerable Center of a Sinner

Who among us are “sinners”? Each and every one of us, of course (Romans 3:23, 1 John 1:8). Who among us has assumed a false identity or become angry and accusing as we seek for justification? Again, each one of us has, to a greater or lesser extent.

Can you see why we might have a significant problem trying to see and understand the vulnerable essence in others and in ourselves? Why would it be difficult? Because that vulnerable center becomes buried and hidden by things of the world: false identities, anger, resentments, withdrawal, anxieties, justifications, rationalizations, competitive strivings, clamorings for material things. Therefore, the vulnerable center is almost always difficult to detect. We may often deal with a person in our lives for years, and never actually sense their essential self. We may even be oblivious to its presence in those closest to us. Interestingly, we are often not even thoroughly acquainted with our own vulnerable center. Be assured that each and every person possesses one. It is always there, deep within every human being. It remains tender, vulnerable, and potentially responsive. Most always, however, it is well buried by defensive trappings. Rather than knowing people by this tender essence, we often come to know them by their trappings. Never forget it is there. It cries out for recognition, for acknowledgment, and for love. This tender center is the essence or true identity of each person.

Wouldn’t it be useful to be able to see through the outward trappings of an individual and perceive his real self? Wouldn’t it be helpful, particularly if we plan to minister to him, to be able to truly know who he is at his vulnerable center? We have learned this is a practical possibility. Those willing to diligently serve others may eventually qualify themselves to receive the gift of charity “as a revealed sense of others.”1

Even prior to receiving this gift—or as we are in the process of earning it—we may be afforded glimpses of a person’s tender center if we are carefully observant. These glimpses come in two ways.

1. Communication through worldly clues. First, we may become aware of facial expressions, voice tones, inflections, and body posturings. These indicate something below the surface. If you are careful and attentive, you will become aware, through your five physical senses, of clues to a person’s tender center.

2. Communication through non-worldly clues. There is another way, even more important than the first, in which we may come to experience the tender essence of another. It is by divine inspiration.

Often our perception of the person’s center may be by a combination of two inputs. We may pick up a clue from our five senses. Also, the Spirit will use that sensory clue as an opportunity to reveal the real individual to us.

Let us consider a few examples of success in seeing through the outer trappings and perceiving the real tender center. The first of these examples is taken from Dr. Warner’s book, Bonds That Make Us Free (152-53). The other examples are my own personal experiences. As you read, try to form an opinion as to the mechanism by which the tender center was revealed.

Monte and his daughter-in-law. In his book Dr. Warner relates the story of Monte, his son, and his son’s wife. Monte’s son, whom Monte considered irresponsible, called him one day to ask if he and his wife could stay with Monte for a few weeks. They had fallen behind in their rent and had been evicted. Monte reluctantly agreed. He considered his daughter-in-law even more irresponsible than his son.

When the couple arrived in a rented moving truck, they revealed they needed a car for a while as theirs required a major repair. With even greater misgivings, Monte consented. The young couple went off in his car to buy some things they needed. An hour or so later, he got a call informing him that they had been in an accident. And his daughter-in-law was the one who had been driving! This threw Monte into an inward fit.

He stomped around the house for the entire time it took the couple to return with the still-drivable car.

When Monte heard them pull up in front of the house he told himself he could not go out to meet them with all his hostility “hanging out.” So he collected himself as much as he could, tried to calm down, and put on the best, most considerate kind of smile a person is capable of when treated as he had been treated. It was in this condition, determined to act cordially, that Monte descended the stairs and walked out the front door toward the curb. He would listen to their side of the story, he told himself. He wouldn’t raise his voice.

Monte was almost to the car before he could see his daughter-in-law, who was sitting in the driver’s seat. Her head rested on the steering wheel, and she was sobbing. At that moment, he said, his heart melted. Seeing his daughter-in-law in her vulnerable state had punched through his own shell of self-concern. It disrupted the certainty with which he had judged her.

Badly scarred man. On one occasion, I was walking with my family along a sidewalk in downtown Salt Lake City. Along came, in the opposite direction, a man whose face had been horribly burned some time previously. He was scarred in every quarter of his face and head, and he was grotesquely disfigured. As we passed one another, our eyes met just for an instant.

It seemed to me that for that brief moment I was allowed to glimpse into his very soul. I immediately sensed his painful situation and his vulnerability, and tears of sympathy welled up in my eyes. I had this instantaneous feeling of affection for him. There he was inside that disfigured body with no way to defend himself against all sorts of unkindness and thoughtlessness he was likely to encounter almost daily. He had no hair to fix up or pleasant face to hide behind. He had no way to avoid drawing attention to himself.

As we passed, it was surprising that he didn’t avoid my eyes as I looked into his. Rather he looked straight at me perhaps desperately hoping to find something of acceptance from someone. I didn’t stop to say a word to him or form any relationship with him. I passed right on by, and I’ve never seen him since. Yet I was deeply moved by those few seconds, and I’ve thought about him many times since.

Self-effacing patient. I had a patient who, during our personal acquaintance, was in his early sixties. He has since died of heart disease. To fully appreciate this account, you must know what kind of person he was. He was always physically strong and vigorous. He was also emotionally as tough as they come. He had become financially successful. He was a truly good man of noble character.

When I first came to know him, he had just returned from having heart surgery at a large medical center in the Midwest. The result had been disastrous. There had been serious complications during the surgery. He had nearly died. He had been left with a desperately damaged heart.

He virtually never complained. While I was caring for him, he related his most difficult symptoms almost apologetically. “I don’t want to trouble you or upset you,” he would say, sensing that I was dismayed by my inability to spare him the suffering of his illness.

He was an outstanding individual whom I came to truly love. He was also the bishop of his ward. He had been the bishop before his surgery, and when he returned from the surgery, he resumed his bishop responsibilities.

One day, after seeing him in my office and adjusting his medications, we chatted for a few moments. He asked me, “Did I ever tell you about my reprimand from the Lord”? I responded he had not. He proceeded. He described an experience that occurred a few months previously. In his office at the church, he had a portrait of the Savior behind his desk to which he often referred in interviewing the young people in his ward. On this particular day he had had a succession of particularly difficult interviews. They began after sacrament meeting and extended well into the evening. “I was absolutely bushed,” he recalled. After the last person had left, he shut the door of his office and said aloud to himself, “Why have so many people had to see me today?” As he said this his eyes met those of the Savior in the picture. He said, “I didn’t really hear a voice, but I had the strong and unexpected impression that the Savior said to me, ‘They didn’t come to see you, bishop. They came to see me.’”

As he related this to me, his manly eyes filled with tears. His chin quivered. Though he related this experience as “the day I was reprimanded by the Lord,” this was not in fact a reprimand. Rather it was a strong affirmation of the Lord delivered through the Holy Spirit to a good man who had followed all the rules and who was nearing the end of his life.

I relate this story to report to you that at that moment, I glimpsed his vulnerable center. Both of us sat there in my office and wept.

I have no doubt that the Lord perceives our tender centers perfectly. And I feel he has an interest in our being able to do the same in the lives of others. This ability is a spiritual gift to be earned. It is an important part of the gift of charity.

To be afforded a glimpse of another’s center is a sacred privilege. It comes with significant responsibility. We must beware of the hazard of later forgetting or otherwise disregarding the significance of such a personal revelatory experience. On those infrequent occasions when you are afforded such a glimpse, the experience is unique. It is one you will never forget. You sense you are on holy ground. You want to “take off your shoes” as did Moses at the burning bush (Exodus 3:1-6). It is a powerful and unique emotion. Most of us have had this experience. But, if you are young, you may not yet have experienced this in your life.

We may experience this vulnerable center of another at a time when we have witnessed the other’s human vulnerability. It is a spiritual experience to be in the presence of someone’s vulnerable center. Unusual warm feelings are awakened in the observer by being allowed to witness a person’s vulnerable center. What are these feelings? Are they charity? I believe they are.

#Maternal Love—Is It a manifestation of charity?

A mother almost always senses the divine center of her children. Each of her children is revealed to her early on, usually in infancy. I see this as a universal maternal entitlement. It is the process of maternal bonding. She is forever changed by the experience. While others may later regard her child as a fractious rascal, she sees the child differently. She knows him for his vulnerability and dependence, for his divine center. The child’s true identity is revealed to her. This is the essence of maternal love. She never forgets that early impression that comes to her through the influence of the Spirit of God. Even when the child grows into adulthood, she will never forget who he really is.

#What effects does God’s love have upon the recipient?

Jesus Christ’s love or charity for us is perfect and complete. In a prior chapter, we discussed the light of Christ which radiates out from him and fills the immensity of space. All the attributes of Christ are contained within that light. We can safely assume that his love for us is contained therein. Thus, his incomprehensible love or charity for each of us constantly shines down on all of us.2

How do we connect with his light? Our connecting is based on our obedience to the commandments and on the mediating influence of the Spirit. While the light of Christ’s love shines on us continually, we can only perceive it and benefit from it when we are worthy. Only then will the Holy Ghost see to it that we have the opportunity to feel and respond to the light of Christ. Even though Jesus loves us without reservation or condition, his love may seldom be experienced by us. While he loves us unconditionally, the blessing of our being warmed by that love is conditioned upon our obedience and worthiness.

Suppose we are obedient and worthy. Then, the Spirit of God allows us to perceive and benefit by that divine light. What do we feel? What effect does his love have on us? This supernal gift is intimately related to a testimony of Jesus Christ and faith in him. It allows us to feel the warm and secure comfort of his love. It enables us to form a personal relationship with him. This is a perquisite that accompanies our spiritual growth.3

#Effects of Charity on You and Others

When you are able to perceive the tender center of another individual, what effect does that inspired perception have on you? When you receive this revelation of another, a bond immediately forms between the two of you. You sense their vulnerability. You will do anything to affirm them and to prevent their being injured. You are drawn to them. They become important to you. You are instantly concerned about them and their needs. You would do anything for them. You become less important than they. The experience of having another individual revealed to you by personal revelation from the Spirit of God automatically drops your own defenses. Whatever gift of charity you possess shines upon them.

What effect does your perception of their essence have on them? They sense your understanding and your willingness to reveal yourself to them. They begin to feel comfortable and secure. They will, cautiously at first, begin to open up to you. They begin to return your love. A “bond of charity” often forms. The effect is to uplift the object of your charity. Also, when we endure personal suffering on behalf of another, the bonds of charity deepen even further between the two of us.

Do you suppose it is possible for you to have truly charitable feelings for another individual and yet that person never respond? When you received the gift of charity, you were blessed to take upon you a portion of the Savior’s light. Once yours, you are able to shine that same light upon the lives of others which can be a blessing to them. But the reception of your charitable light is also Holy Ghost dependent. They may be hardened against receiving the promptings of the Spirit and thus hardened against receiving and responding to your love.

#Is Charity more than Understanding the Plight of Others?

We have concluded that part of charity is divinely inspired insight and understanding of the individual who is the object of charity. They receive the reassurance that someone understands them thoroughly. Is this the only blessing they receive? It is not.

For one thing, your charitable feelings for them also stem, in part, from true empathy. Empathy is more than mere mental understanding. It only comes by personally experiencing what they have experienced. Thus your charitable feelings are likely to offer them more blessings than understanding of their plight. Your empathy provides you with real experience and the mature ability to help them.

In addition, charity has been described as “love plus sacrifice.” You must have a willingness to sacrifice in practical ways, time and resources, for the object of your charity. The man with charity must be willing to spend the time necessary to minister to others in all ways, even becoming proactive in that endeavor.

#Tolerance—An Important Aspect of Charity

We are inclined to define tolerance as an unconditional acceptance of others regardless of their circumstances, characteristics, or behaviors. This is an acceptable definition of tolerance on a secular level. It is also certainly part of charity. The charitable individual is eager to minister to anyone without bias.

True spiritual tolerance includes yet another important element. It is a richer concept than secular tolerance. It consists also of having the truth and being willing and eager to do anything and everything to share it with others.

Spiritual tolerance is a rich form of charity. It can only be manifest by an individual who possesses the gospel of Jesus Christ. The desire for the spiritual wellbeing of another—the highest form of charity—includes the desire to see the other accept the gospel of Jesus Christ, progress in it, and achieve their exaltation in the celestial heaven. The familiar verse: “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39), is an apt statement of the charity of the Father and the Son. In manifesting their charity, their spiritual tolerance, they are not content with simply eliminating any biases from the criteria by which they select those whom they bless. They are not truly happy and fulfilled unless the objects of their charity qualify to live with them forever.

The individual with true spiritual tolerance is armed with foundational spiritual truths and cares little for himself. He is fully committed to the spiritual (and secular) well being of others. And that charity is not dependent on race, religion, education, socioeconomic status, spiritual status, or privilege. The charitable/tolerant person with the gospel has a profound sense of wanting to share the gospel message with another. When the tolerant individual is rebuffed, he responds with disappointment but also undaunted and unconditional love.

Counterfeit tolerance. There exists a counterfeit form of tolerance. It is a manifestation of self justification manifest by those unable to live up to the standard of behavior they are taught by the spirit of Christ within them. The person who is unable to live the gospel of Jesus Christ may proclaim that he can no longer believe in the “God of the Mormons.” He can no longer accept the “judgmental” culture that our religion encourages. He may profess a “broader,” “more accepting,” “more tolerant” nature. He will claim to be fully comfortable around people with different “lifestyles.” His central concern for others is not that they eventually be exalted. Rather, he only hopes that they will be happy. He has decided that judgment in any form is anathema. His is a humanistic philosophy that is employed merely to hide a low spiritual self-esteem. It is a means of self-justification for the sinner who senses, at least subconsciously, that his spiritual self is in trouble.

It is easy to see the major flaw in this individual’s religious paradigm. God is absolute. His standards are absolute. We are not to create our own designer-variations of God, his commandments, or his philosophy. The individual with counterfeit tolerance needs to discover what kind of a being God really is and adjust his life style accordingly. Tolerance without any anchor or foundation of beliefs is actually a form of indifference.

Referring to this counterfeit form of tolerance, Elder Dallin Oaks wrote:

Carried to an undisciplined excess, love and tolerance can produce indifference to truth and justice, and opposition to unity. What makes mankind free from death and sin is not merely love but love accompanied by truth. “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32) (“Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall” Ensign, October 1994, 12).

#Divine Love

Divine love has recently become a subject of some discussion and, I believe, some misunderstanding both in and out of the Church. One round of this discussion seems to have begun with the publication of an article entitled “Divine Love” by Elder Russell M. Nelson (Ensign, February 2003, 20). In his excellent article, Elder Nelson made the point that divine love is, at least in some sense, conditional. He wrote, “While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” (Ibid.). His article met with considerable criticism from those without the Church who lack a complete understanding of the concept of divine love.

Most all of us carry the intuitive notion that God’s love for us is unconditional. Indeed we have been so taught by apostles and prophets. For example, President Gordon B. Hinckley wrote, “In moments of quiet, we reflect upon [Christ’s] matchless life and His unconditional love for each of us” (LDS Church News, 11 December 1993, 4). Elder Neal A. Maxwell wrote, “[Christ’s] duties have long been galactic, yet He noticed the widow casting in her mite. I am stunned at His perfect, unconditional love of all” (Even As I Am, 115). Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin added, “Faith [in the Lord’s will] turns us toward the Savior, his life, and his unconditional love for us” (Finding Peace in Our lives, 177). The Family Home Evening Resource Book counsels families to: “Have a scripture search for examples of unconditional love. As you find scriptural examples, draw parallels for your own family so that family members can see how divine unconditional love can be applied in their own lives” (Lesson 17: “Love At Home,” 74). And in an Ensign editorial: “To love completely with a wholeness even as Christ loved, to manifest a mature and unconditional love in all human relations, would minimize many fears” (Editorial: “With an Eye Single to His Glory,” Ensign, December 1971, 153).

And yet, Elder Nelson teaches in his article that it is important to acknowledge a part of God’s love as conditional and contingent upon our obedience to the Lord’s commands.

At first these teachings seem to create an enigma. Is Christ’s love unconditional or conditional? The solution to this seeming mystery is a simple one. To completely understand God’s love for us, one must recognize and understand two separate types of love under the umbrella of “divine love.” These are charity and grace.

Charity. The Book of Mormon prophet Moroni addressed the Lord, “And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity” (Ether 12:34). Christ possesses this attribute, this love called charity, to perfection, and he has commanded that we also strive to acquire it. “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34). Moroni continues: “Wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father” (Ether 12:34).

Charity is a concern for others that grows and grows and eventually comes to displace our concern for ourselves (Matthew 10:39). In a previous chapter, I suggested a test for charity: When you are concerned about the temporal and spiritual welfare of others as much as you are concerned for your own, you have charity.

God’s (the Father’s and the Son’s) charity for us exceeds our ability to comprehend (1 John 4:8). He is our exemplar, the epitome of charity. This is a love he feels passionately. By virtue of this charity he yearns for our spiritual and eternal success. He longs to spend eternity with each of us in his celestial presence (Moses 1:39). This aspect of God’s love for us is aptly called unconditional, perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal. It is extended to all humankind (Matthew 5:45; 2 Nephi 26:33; 3 Nephi 12:45). “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Paul’s wrote a well-known exposition about charity:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (1 Corinthians 13:1-13).

A clear example of charity here on earth is parental love, perhaps especially maternal love.

Grace. The scriptural passages referring to divine love can be confusing if one does not distinguish clearly between those referring to his charity and those referring to his grace. Grace is God’s love for us. It is particularly that aspect of his love that impels him to extend to us blessings we do not actually merit. The concept of God’s grace is intimately associated with his responsibility to eventually judge each of us. We often refer to his grace using the closely related word mercy.

In his judgment of us, God (Jesus Christ) is bound by the law of justice which decrees eternal fairness in all eternal matters. When he extends his grace to us, he does so in the form of blessings. He is able to extend to us these blessings by virtue of his atoning sacrifice. When he does this, he extends to us the blessings of his atonement.

While Christ has the capacity to extend infinite grace to us his creatures, he is bound by his sense of justice to extend his grace, his blessings, to us according to our obedience and worthiness. Not everyone will receive a full measure of his grace and become exalted. Some will, according to their worthiness, receive the blessings of his grace to a more limited extent.

We may thus accurately say that this aspect of his love, the blessings we receive according to his grace and mercy, are given conditionally and not unconditionally. We may wish to refer to his grace as infinite because it is wrought by virtue of his infinite atonement. His grace is not, however, infinite in the sense that all of God’s children receive it unconditionally and in full measure.

In the scriptures we also encounter passages that reference this particular aspect of his love, his grace: “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him” (John 14:21, emphasis added). “Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him” (John 14:23, emphasis added). “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love” (John 15:10). “If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you, therefore you shall walk in darkness” (D&C 95:12). “And he loveth those who will have him to be their God. Behold, he loved our fathers, and he covenanted with them, yea, even Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and he remembered the covenants which he had made; wherefore, he did bring them out of the land of Egypt” (1 Nephi 17:40). “I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me” (Proverbs 8:17).

Other scriptural passages emphasize that his divine blessings to us, given by virtue of his grace and mercy, are conditional (see 1 Kings 3:14; 6:12; Malachi 3:10; Mosiah 2:22; 3 Nephi 24:10; D&C 85:3; 119:4-5).

God will always love us (extend his charity to us) unconditionally, “regardless.” But he cannot bless us (extend his grace to us) unconditionally.

#Summing Up

If you possess something of the gift of charity, you are characterized by the following attributes:

1. You are obedient to the commandments regarding how you should minister to other people. You are willing to serve others deliberately even when it is difficult. You serve because the Lord has commanded it. You do not serve for selfish purposes. You stand ready and willing to extend deliberate charity to others.

2. You have had significant life experiences and adversities that you have accepted and “endured . . . well.” You, therefore, know by personal experience the sufferings of others. You possess empathy and are willing to respond to its promptings. This empathy is eventually revealed to you as a spiritual gift. It enables you to better serve those in need.

3. You are in the habit of deliberately responding to the “light” of others which is the true nature of their vulnerable center. This “light” is usually sensed in the form of spoken words, body language, voice inflections, etc. You may also expect inspiration from the Lord’s Spirit in this process.

You have received the spiritual gift of this divine insight, the ability to perceive the vulnerable essence of others as they really are. This perception of others has come to you by personal revelation and is a gift of God. As you grow in charity, you may become able to look through the defensive trappings surrounding most all people and perceive their vulnerable center.

4. You are willing to spend the time and resources necessary to minister to others in practical and other ways. Specifically you are proactive in that endeavor.

5. You have a strong celestial self-esteem. You are comfortable and confident in spiritual things. You joy in the Lord’s supernal gift of hope.

Our destiny is to become like God. Charity is the supreme attribute of God. “God is love” (1 John 4:8). In order to be true to our eternal potential, we must become love ourselves. It is likely we will not perfect our charity in this life. It is certainly our stewardship, however, to begin this quest now.

1 See chapter 7, Charity as a Revealed Sense of Others

2 See volume 1, chapter 15, The Concept of Light.

See volume 1, chapter 8, The Blessings of Spiritual Gifts.