The Doctrine of the Family

Volume Three—Chapter Twenty-Eight THE DOCTRINE OF THE FAMILY

#The Position of the Family

The family is central to LDS theology and culture. In fact, the basic unit of the Church is the family. There is a far-reaching reason for this. The family, with its father, mother, and children, is not just an earthly phenomenon.

Our earthly families are actually an extension of our family in the premortal world. There, every person was a literal child of heavenly parents. Before coming to this earth, each of us lived with and were lovingly nurtured by our heavenly Father and Mother. We will always revere them as the parents of our spirits. We will always be part of their eternal family. That family experience taught us the pattern of the family’s potential for perpetuation during this mortal sphere and on beyond—throughout eternity. Mortality is viewed, in part, as a training ground for learning to live in and contribute to a successful eternal family organization that will be fundamental to our existence forever.

Beyond our immediate families, we also expect to live forever with our worthy extended family members. These include our ancestors and our descendants.

Following this mortal existence, governments of men, as we know them, will not exist. Of all the social organizations available to human beings on earth, only the immediate family and the extended family will continue into the next life. Even the institution of the Church will be superseded by the eternal family. The family will become the central institution for spiritual and all other activity. Wards and stakes will likely not exist. Even today, Church leaders teach that parents are our most important gospel teachers and that the home is our children’s most fundamental and vital classroom. Studies have shown that personal and family religiosity are more significant predictors of future missionary service and temple marriage than all church programs and church teachers. The family relationships of each person on earth are of cardinal importance.

#The Fundamental Spiritual Entity

The ultimate potential of each human being, the potential to be like God, cannot be realized by a man or a woman alone. Only a combination of the two, eternally sealed and committed, can receive all of the blessings of exaltation. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

The joining of a man and a woman for all eternity can only be accomplished under specific circumstances:

1. If it is accomplished here on earth, both must be worthy members of the earthly kingdom of our Lord, the Church of Jesus Christ.

2. Some men and women will be sealed together following their resurrection in the Lord’s celestial kingdom of heaven. Then their worthiness for this ordinance is selfevident.

Regarding celestial-bound individuals not married in this life through no fault of their own, President Spencer W. Kimball taught that those “who would have responded if they had [had] an appropriate opportunity, will receive all those blessings in the world to come” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 295). It is likely the individual we classify as a “ministering angel” (the celestial individual who elects not to be sealed to an eternal partner) is involved in an eternal family unit, but he does not participate in perpetuating an eternal family throughout the eternities.

3. Whether the sealing is accomplished on earth or in heaven, it must be done by a man who possesses a specific divine authorization or priesthood power called the “sealing power.”1 The keys of this power, the God-given authority to administer and manage the sealing power on earth, resides only in the prophet/president of the Lord’s earthly Church.

4. Finally, the couple can only enter into this relationship after they have made a solemn and binding covenant of commitment to each other and to their eternal relationship. This covenant is considered one of the most serious, binding, and farreaching covenants a man can enter into.

Here on earth, these specific conditions come together only in the temples of the Lord wherein is performed the ordinance of celestial or eternal marriage or sealing. At the time of their temple sealing, both husband and wife enter “an order of the priesthood [called] the new and everlasting covenant of marriage” (D&C 131:1-4). Without the requisite worthiness, authority, and solemn covenant, a marriage cannot endure eternally and is “of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead” (D&C 132:7).

Following a temple sealing an eternal bond doesn’t just happen as a result of the ordinance. How each party lives here on earth determines their state for eternity. A man and woman who have been sealed together must remain united physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They must accept full responsibility for nurturing each other. Then they are truly sealed.

Couples who are sealed in the temple and keep their covenants continue married in the spirit world. Sealings are binding for eternity only in the celestial kingdom, and each party in a sealing must inherit celestial glory for the sealing to continue in force.

Who decides whether or not a sealing should continue to be valid? The judge is he who has the responsibility of validating or refusing to validated every earthly ordinance. It is he who can make binding in heaven those things performed and entered into here on earth. Who is he? He is the Holy Ghost. In this calling, he is referred to as the “Holy Spirit of promise.”

The Lord revealed to the prophet Joseph:

And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.

Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. (D&C 132:19-20).

This passage has been the source of some confusion. It seems to describe celestial or eternal marriage performed by proper authority. It apparently says that if a man enters into the covenant of eternal marriage, honors all the covenants of the gospel, and does not commit murder—shed innocent blood—then he will come forth in the first resurrection, inherit all that the Father has and is, and have an eternal continuation of spirit progeny. His calling and election will be made sure—he will be sealed up to eternal life by the Holy Spirit of promise.

This passage has been interpreted by some to mean that if a couple is sealed by proper authority in the temple, then their calling and election is made sure with the only other requirement being that they not commit murder (see also verse 26).

This, of course, is illogical and untrue. The Holy Ghost, the Holy Spirit of promise, knows the hearts of all people and will seal or ratify eternally only those relationships that are worthy of such ratification. This ratification will occur only if both keep all of their gospel covenants. If one or both members of the partnership fail to live up to their covenants, then the Spirit will withdraw the seal and the eternal relationship is null and void.

Another phrase in the passage has resulted in confusion. It is: “if it be after the

first resurrection, in the next resurrection.” Those who are exalted will come forth from the grave in the morning of the first resurrection, meaning the celestial resurrection.

This period is largely between the moment of the Savior’s resurrection and his second coming in glory. What, then, is meant by the phrase “if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection”? There are two possible explanations. First it could be that those who came forth from the grave with Christ in the meridian of time would be classified in this verse as those coming forth in the “first resurrection,” and all others who come forth later in the morning of the first resurrection would be classified as coming forth in the “next resurrection.” Another possibility could be that those who live on the earth during the Millennium, when a celestial-bound person will die and be resurrected in a twinkling of an eye, are part of “the next resurrection.”

The phrase “continuation of the seeds” means to have a continual increase of spirit children. The phrases “they have no end” and “they continue” also refer to eternal progeny. It is notable that other words or phrases in section 132 refer also to the having of eternal progeny. They include “enlarged,” “continuation of the lives,” and “eternal lives.” The Lord uses all of these phrases to mean the continuation of the family unit.

#The Sealing of Children to Parents

Children born to a couple already eternally sealed are said to be “born in the covenant” and are automatically sealed at birth to their parents. This sealing is a potentially everlasting one. A worthy married couple can be sealed in a holy temple following their secular marriage. Any children not “born in the covenant” may then be sealed to them in the temple.

Intuitively, most of us are inclined to feel that this sealing is conditional and depends on the continued worthiness of the child and the parents. If the parents remain worthy, then the sealing of the child to his parents will remain in force for eternity only if that child independently—on his own—lives a life worthy to qualify him for celestial glory. We acknowledge that the sealing of a family together is an incomparable potential blessing for each member of the family, but surely the sealing itself does little or nothing to spare each individual the necessity of qualifying individually for celestial salvation. Statements by modern-day prophets, however, have suggested the sealing covenant, when honored by the man and woman, can become a powerful influence in ensuring the eternal sealing of children to this relationship, even when those children wander and rebel.

Elder Orson R. Whitney, in a talk in general conference in 1929, paraphrased the prophet Joseph:

The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught a more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God (CR, April 1929, 110).

President Brigham Young taught on the same subject:

Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one hundred children . . . they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang (Discourses of Brigham Young, comp. John A. Widtsoe, 208).

President James E. Faust wrote:

To those brokenhearted parents who have been righteous, diligent, and prayerful in the teaching of their disobedient children, we say to you, the Good Shepherd is watching over them. God knows and understands your deep sorrow. There is hope. Take comfort in the words of Jeremiah, “Thy work shall be rewarded” and your children can “come again from the land of the enemy” (Jeremiah 31:16) (“Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered”, Ensign, May 2003).

Elder Boyd K. Packer added:

It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control. They agonize over rebellious sons and daughters. They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should. It is my conviction that those wicked influences one day will be overruled. . . . We cannot overemphasize the value of temple marriage, the binding ties of the sealing ordinance, and the standards of worthiness required of them. When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them (CR, April 1992, 94-95).

How might we best interpret these statements of hope for beleaguered parents of wayward children? What exactly is the nature of the “cords of sealing”? Will all children sealed to righteous parents inherit celestial glory?

Certainly, there can be no “free lunch” for any of these children. Whatever degree of eternal glory they inherit, they must first repent, “suffer for their sins,” and “pay their debt to justice.” Their agency will always remain fully intact in this process. Their repentance must be of their own volition. The law of justice cannot be satisfied otherwise.

Perhaps within the powerful bonds of sealing, these children may be strongly inclined to find the motivation to do the difficult task of repenting to the point of being judged worthy of celestial salvation. If the repentance of wayward children does not happen in this life, it is still possible for them to work out their repentance in the world of spirits. If the child does not, on their own, earn celestial glory, what then? Are the bonds of sealing are sufficiently powerful that they will extend across borders into other kingdoms of glory? Might it be that some alternate variant of eternal family ties may extend from the celestial into other eternal kingdoms?

#Gender

Gender is not merely an accidental phenomenon or a happenstance of physical reproduction. Many medical scientists suppose that gender is a chance event, a coincidence of fertilization, a fifty-fifty proposition. Human reproductive cells, the sperm and the ovum, are unique among all other cells of the body. They are called “gametes” and have only half the number of chromosomes characteristic of all other cells. Gametes are thus said to be “haploid,” while all other cells in the body are “diploid.” Each sperm cell contains either an “X chromosome” or a “Y chromosome,” but not both. All ova (female reproductive cells) have an X chromosome. If a sperm cell with an X chromosome fertilizes an ovum, the result is an organism with two X chromosomes—it is said to be “XX.” This organism is female. If, on the other hand, the ovum is fertilized by a sperm cell with a Y chromosome, then the organism is “XY,” and this is a male.

We acknowledge that while the gender of a human newborn is determined at the moment of conception, every human spirit undergoing the experience of mortal birth already had a gender. Those spirits sent to inhabit “XX” bodies are female spirits, and those sent to “XY” bodies are already male. Gender is an immutable characteristic of every premortal human spirit. Though we are not given to know for certain, it is possible that specific gender may have even been a characteristic of each intelligence prior to its spirit birth.

The divine nature, destiny, and eternal stewardships (responsibilities) of each individual are gender specific. Gender has always been and will always be a characteristic of every individual. Each gender is unique. One is not more important than the other. In their functions, roles, and stewardships they complement one another. Both are vital in God’s eternal scheme. They are coequals in the sight of their heavenly parents.3

#The Unique Roles of Father and Mother

According to the gospel of Jesus Christ, the man and the woman have separate roles here on earth and in the eternities. Both the husband and wife have solemn obligation to love and care for each other and for their children. They must rear their children in love and righteousness. Indeed this is a stewardship for which they will be held accountable before God. Fathers are responsible for providing the necessities of life and ensuring the safety and security of their families. Fathers also preside over the family in love and righteousness. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. The roles of both are indispensable. Each parent is obligated to help the other as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.

Elder Boyd K Packer taught:

The plan designed by the Father contemplates that man and woman, husband and wife, working together, fit each child individually with a shield of faith made to buckle on so firmly that it can neither be pulled off nor penetrated by those fiery darts. It takes the steady strength of a father to hammer out the metal of it and the tender hands of a mother to polish and fit it on. Sometimes one parent is left to do it alone. It is difficult, but it can be done (CR, April 1995, 8-9).

Both parents are responsible together for teaching their children the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Lord said, “Inasmuch as parents have children in Zion . . . that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. . . . And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord” (D&C 68:25, 28). Parents are admonished to be exemplars for their children.

Children must be taught to deal with the challenges of life. They must be imbued with an appropriate value system, taught the joy of work, taught to respond to authority, and taught to communicate with and respond to others in love.

#Procreation is a commandment of God

Through the sexual experience, husbands and wives enrich their marriage and create physical bodies for spirits to come to earth. The bearing of children fulfills God’s purposes in more than one way.

1. It accomplishes the mortal births of all his premortal children (Genesis 1:22). Church members are expected not to refuse to have children, or even to postpone having them, for selfish or materialistic reasons. Regarding the question of how many children a couple will have, the spacing of children, and the use of birth control, Latterday Saints are instructed to use their agency. They are counseled to base their decisions on divine principles and seek confirmation from the Spirit.

2. It begins to train the parents in the appropriate use of the procreative power which they will be blessed to use throughout eternity if they live worthy of exaltation in the celestial kingdom. The Lord has commanded that sexual relationships exist only between marriage couples. Sexual purity is more than just physical. It must be mental and spiritual as well. Jesus said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery already in his heart. Behold, I give unto you a commandment, that ye suffer none of these things to enter into your heart” (3 Nephi 12:27-29; cf. Matthew 5:27-28). A violation of this commandment is the third most heinous sin a man

or woman can commit on earth.

3. It begins to teach all members of the family, both parents and children, their responsibilities toward one another. We may expect this training to be fully applicable in the celestial heaven.

Surely, one of the vital secrets to real and everlasting joy is to be part of a healthy and righteous family group here on earth and to continue that blessed relationship forever.

1 See volume 2, chapter 11, The Sealing Power.

Please review the sequence of resurrections in the section titled “When Are We Resurrected?” in volume 2, chapter 13, The Spirit World.

3 See further discussion of these issues in chapter 21, The Doctrine of Woman.

See chapter 18, Three Most Abominable Sins.